Dear Stephanie and Christopher,

Yo Mama is so fat and so I started exercising today. Walked 20 min. on the treadmill at 2.5 mph.
I know, Christopher, you are saying "walking isn't exercise" and maybe it isn't for you because you walk everywhere. But if you were like me and walked for 20 minutes at the pace I did and came out sweating, out of breath, and craving a big glass of water you would know that walking IS exercise. Yes, I will add some more stuff next week. And anyway, those few extra minutes of trying to do the Macarena (it's on my IPOD) while I was on the treadmill must count for something.
So, I have had several interesting conversations with the two of you over the past couple of days. I just realized that you both thought your Yo Mama is not so smart. Both of you have told me that you can't believe I can write so well.
I don't understand. I really don't.
I wrote both of you plenty of notes over the years. Tons of them as a matter of fact. I thought for sure that you would have caught a glimpse of a budding writer in all of them. You know the ones I am talking about.

Stephanie please run the vacuum when you wake up. Love mom.

Christopher, I am at work and should be home by 4:00. Please do the following today BEFORE I get home.
1. Wipe off the glass tables in the living room.
2. Pick up your room.
3. Put your dishes in the dishwasher
Love, Mom

Stephanie, Please empty the dishwasher before I get home.
Love Mom
PS. Don't let anyone in the house when I am not there!

Christopher,
You need to clean your room today! you need to have it clean before you go to your Dad's this weekend.
Love, Mom

Stephanie, I will pay you $5.00 if you will clean your brother's room before you leave for your Dad's this afternoon.
Love Mom

I just don't understand why you guys didn't see my writing abilities all those years ago.

  So Stephanie you are  telling me that your friends are telling you, "You didn't tell me your Mom is funny". You said that you told them that I'm not. They argued with you  that I AM funny and you told them "Well if she is, she JUST got that way yesterday!".  I just don't get it. I tried to tell you that I have always been funny but you just said "No Mom, you really aren't".
 OK. If that is what you think. Fine. Just PLEASE stop telling people that you think an alien has taken over your mother.
That happened way before yesterday.

So if anyone wants to see what I am eating:

Breakfast
2 slices whole grain bread with sugar free PB and jelly

Lunch (difficult because we ate out)
cup of vegetarian vegetable soup
grilled chicken with grilled onion and peppers (came covered with provolone which I scraped all but a spoon full off)
Greek green beans with tomatoes

Dinner
palm size of sirloin
11/2 corn on cob with about a tbsp. of butter
yellow zucchini sauteed in tsp of olive oil with onions
green beans

Snack later will be a fresh peach and cup of hot green tea.

I did have popcorn at the movies - Does the butter count if I told my husband to save me a spot with no butter on it and he didn't listen to me?

Day 1 soda free (even at the movies and this is unprecedented)

Coming up: Adding to my exercise and Do they really want someone on jury duty who orders fast food from trash cans?

Love you both,
Yo Mama