Dear Christopher,

Yo Mama is so fat and so I decided to have a nice salad for lunch. I am picking up food for everyone in the office so I get to pick where we will get lunch today.
 Hmmm. I have several ideas. I start bargaining with myself. All of us who like food and try to watch our weight do this right?
 There is our favorite little Italian place down the road that has my favorite antipasto salad with olives, pepperocini, peppers, and tomatoes. Isaacs has a nice Mediteranean salad with some romaine lettuce. A Subway salad would have the least calories. I pick the Italian place. I bargain some more. I could get a grilled chicken salad that would be healthy OR I could get my favorite Italian antipasto salad and ask them to put grilled chicken on it instead of the usual salami. I choose my normal antipasto salad and decide that it would be less calories if I just pick off some of my salami and cheese.
I take my salad back to the office.
I do as I promised myself and take some salami and cheese off. I only pour about 2 tbs. of that yummy homemade olive oil dressing on my salad and throw the rest away. I am eating my salad and feeling pretty good about it. I even gave away that delicious little garlic bread wedge they gave me. I am happy. Yum.

Then the phone rang. It is you. "How is your diet going?" you ask.
"It is going good. I am eating salad for my lunch".
"What kind of salad are you eating?you ask.
"Antipasto salad".
"What kind of lettuce is on your salad?"

Oh, oh.
Should I tell the truth? Should I pretend my phone just went dead?
I give in. "Iceburg lettuce".

Silence

I knew it was going to be bad, but I wasn't expecting this...

"Mom you are eating nothing but a bowl of fat and loneliness".  (What????)
"That is what a salad is, nothing but a bowl of fat and loneliness".
"Iceberg lettuce has no nutritional value whatsoever".

I look at my salad. Somehow it just doesn't look the same.

"So what am I supposed to eat?"

You tell me, "You eat good protein with every meal, some good carbs, and vegetables". (isn't that what I just had minus the carbs?)
 "Ok, I know that." I am not arguing. I will follow your advice.

 So that is what I am eating. Lean protein, whole grain, vegetables and fruit. No sugar, no white bread or pasta, no sauces unless it is a fresh tomato sauce (I can't live without that).

And Christopher, this is for you. Stand up and take note. I am as of right now, this moment, NO LONGER DRINKING diet soda. I promise. IF anyone sees me doing it, they have my permission to call my son. His number is somewhere in my office. He has been bugging me for years to stop, even before they came out saying that diet soda can cause you to gain weight. No more McDonald's stops in the morning for me.

Speaking of McDonald's, I think I mentioned my car and an egg mcmuffin.

You know those days when you go to work, and you feel really good? This was one of those days. I had recently lost a little weight and was fitting into something I hadn't fit into for awhile. I felt good. I was watching what I was eating. I think I had been exercising. I was really working on trying to be healthier. It was a beautiful day. I had the music blaring. I had just stopped by McDonald's to pick up my morning diet soda and allowed myself to have an egg  mcmuffin. It is just an English muffin, Canadian bacon, 1 piece of cheese, and an egg. I think it is only about 300 hundred calories, right? I think I am safe eating that. I take a bite. Oh, oh. Something seems different than usual. Is there butter on this mcmuffin? I have to look. I glance down for just one second. I look back up and there it is. The rear of someone's car coming up on me much quicker than it should be. My husband is going to kill me.

 There goes my diet. Again.

Tomorrow: Starting an exercise routine and My kids think I am an alien.

I love you Christopher!

Yo Mama