astore

Monday, August 30, 2010

Life as a 51 y/o butterfly

Yo Mama is so fat and according to my 2 grown children, I am a "butterfly". Sounds like a complement doesn't it? You have to consider the context in which it is being used.

Evidently, they were talking about a newly found phenomenon, the Turritopsis nutricula, a jellyfish that may have the ability of eternal life. Then the subject somehow went from the jellyfish to comparing it to the life of a butterfly.

Then they decided that they would compare themselves to lifecycle of the butterfly. They decided that they were in the pupa stage. Yes, my kids are strange. They also decided that I was a butterfly. They seemed to think it might  be funny to tell me that I am a butterfly because I would definately misconstrue that as a complement.

So my daughter tells me (on my birthday) that the butterfly stage is the last stage of the butterfly's life, so not really a good thing.

I thought I would research this for myself.

There are 4 stages of the butterfly.

The egg
The caterpillar which is the feeding and growth stage.
The pupa which is the transformation stage.
The butterfly which is the reproductive, most mobile stage. It undergoes courtship during this stage. It mates, lays eggs and migrates or colonizes and then it dies.

Pretty depressing to be a butterfly at my stage of the game. I've done the reproduction part (hence the 2 above mentioned adults). The courtship, mating, egg laying, egg laying? part all had to be done to finish the process of reproduction. So what is left?

Not much. Great.

So then I went out and sat on my deck and watched. We live in the woods and at this time of year, there are hundreds of butterflys. I have spent many an afternoon out there just watching.

I decided that I like being a butterfly, even if I am not in my early stages of my butterfly life. All the really hard work is done.
I can fly.
I am free.
I can go where I want to go.
I am comfortable with who I am. There aren't anymore huge transformations for me to go through.
I am beautiful.

I am a 51 year old butterfly.

By the way. By definition, you guys are butterflies too.

Being a butterfly is what helped me be able to write this blog. Admitting that I need to lose weight publicly has been freeing. Even a year ago, I don't think I would have been comfortable enough to write it. Being comfortable with who I am has allowed me to do this. Thank you to my husband for making me feel beautiful even with being overweight.

Love to all,
Yo Mama

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Weight loss at 51

Yo Mama is so fat and today is my birthday. I am 51 years old. I am fat and have been most of my life. Today was the first of many dieting challenges that I am going to run into for the rest of this year and the rest of my life. The way I handled my challenge was ok but could have been better. Let me know what you think and offer suggestions if you like.

Breakfast
I didn't have. I know, this is a bad start but I was trying to get things done this morning.

Lunch
Consisted of:
Grecian wrap which consisted of a flour wrap (broke one of my diet guidelines since made of white flour), gyro meat (probably not a good choice), veggies, and tzaziki sauce (not too sure about this)
French fries which are just a bad choice no matter what
Coleslaw- Very small amout and probably not that bad of a choice considering the size.

Dinner
We went to Red Losbter and I did my best trying to decide what my best options were.
I had the crab crusted tilapia and looked it up later and see that there was 450 calories in it so not too terrible of a choice.
Broccoli
Baked Potato with butter and sour cream hey its my birthday!
Tossed salad with red wine vinegrette
And the bad part is that I ate one of those wonderful biscuits, but ONLY one. I would usually eat two.
And since it is my birthday, I allowed myself to have diet soda. Today would have been 16 days soda free. So I have to go back to day 1 starting tomorrow.

If anyone read my last blog you know that I was worried about this birthday meal and the picnic food that I was coming into contact with yesterday. I did pretty well. I think.

 At around 1 PM I ate 1 hamburger with whole wheat bread and slice of cheese, fruit salad that I had made, about 1/4 cup of some french potato salad (made with vinegrette dressing instead of mayo) that I had made, and a few "tastings" of some of the other dishes that were brought. When I say "tastings" I mean that I just allowed myself to take a small spoonful of that dish. That way I got to feel like I wasn't totally missing out on something I knew I would like but yet didn't get all the calories. I did it with some rotini, baked beans,  and a spaghetti pie. I also had some fresh veggies with NO dip.

Around 8 pm, I had another hamburger. This time on white bread (whole grain was gone) with a slice of cheese. I also had about another 1/4 cup of the potato salad.


Just a reminder to myself what the rules are:

1. No sugar


2. No white flour

3. Increase whole grains for my meals

4. Increase intake of fruits and vegetables

5. Replace animal proteins with plant proteins, such as beans and soy, when I can

7. Avoid all preprepared foods.
 
And so I am 51 .....and fat.....the clock is ticking....my knees and feet still hurt. Tomorrow is another day and tomorrow is NOT my birthday.
 
Stephanie, you tell me that I don't LOOK any different to you now than I did 15 years ago. You also inform me that I am a "butterfly", according to you and Christopher. Sounds pretty doesn't it? Then you explain exactly what being a butterfly means in terms of the life cycle of the butterfly. Think about it.
 
NICE thing for my children to be talking about on my birthday.
 
Great. 
 
Coming up tomorrow- What it's like to be a butterfly.
 
Love you,
Yo Mama

Friday, August 27, 2010

It is Friday August 27th and weigh in day

Yo Mama is so fat but not as fat as last week.

 I lost 2 more lbs.! Weight is now at 222.0.


So I have a problem this weekend. Actually 2 problems.

#1 is that the yearly family picnic is tomorrow.
#2 is that Sunday is my birthday.

Both of these are weight loss challenges as anyone who has tried to lose weight may know. So what is Yo Mama to do?

The family picnic has so many temptations that it is hard to even begin to start to list them. Hamburgers, Hot dogs and probably any one or all of the following: pasta salad, macaroni salad, baked beans, chips, meatballs.... and deserts! Deserts! I don't even want to go there.....

I do have a partial solution to the picnic. I wanted to make sure that what I take, is something that I can eat (instead of something like mac and cheese) and also have it be something everyone else might enjoy. I went out and bought some fresh watermelon, blueberries, pineapple, grapes, and strawberries to make a fresh fruit salad.  With a little more planning, I may be able to come up with another dish I know I can eat without too much guilt.

And then there is my birthday. We are going out to eat. My usual would be to go out and have a big bowl of  pasta (not the whole grain variety) with another bowl of fat and loneliness on the side (see my posts from 8/13 and 8/24). This will be a challenge and I will let you know what I did instead of the usual birthday chow.

Wish me luck.

Love to all,
Yo Mama

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Dear Stephanie and Christopher,

Yo Mama is so fat and has had 2 bad days following "my plan".

Sadly these  past 2 days are the product of poor planning and former eating habits coming back to haunt me.

Last night I made Stephanie a "family recipe" of Frito Pie at her request. She loves it but guess who loves it more?? Much more.  Yo Mama.

Guess who couldn't keep her mind off the leftovers in the fridge and ate them? Yo Mama.

This morning started out well with lowfat yogurt and granola.

Then the submarine sandwich that I ordered several weeks ago came in today and guess who ate it for my "brunch" about an hour after the above mentioned yogurt and granola. Yo Mama.

Then who was feeling stressed this evening and wanted to go out for Wimpies (fried crabcake balls) and a beer and ended up eating a few wings, a little crab pretzel, and some steamed mussels. Yo Mama.

Whose husband decided we couldn't leave the restaurant without the best peanut butter pie in York County (Back Woods Sports Bar and Grill) and ate half of it when they got home. Yo Mama.

Who is 12 days soda free?? Yo Mama.
At least there is something positive

Will be better tomorrow...official weigh in day is on Friday!

Love you guys,
Yo Mama

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

What is in that bowl besides salad?

Yo Mama is so fat and that is why I have to be careful about what I am eating. Luckily, I love vegetables and salads. Salads have been my staple whenever I try  to go on a diet.

 But according to you Christopher, salads are "nothing but a big bowl of fat and loneliness". (Please check out my post on 8/13  for that story). So I questioned you again tonight to find out exactly what you meant by this.

Your explanation is that usually salads have almost non existent nutritional value, especially if they made up of mainly iceburg lettuce. OK I get this.

"Can I add some good veggies like tomatoes, onions, peppers, olives?", I asked.

You tell me that I need to add broccoli and cauliflower. Oh
And  protein. Oh

Then you tell me that salad dressing has tons of sugar in it.

"What if I make it myself with olive oil?"

That is ok you tell me.

So I think I get it now???

THIS is why I have been fat all my life. I finally have the answer. It has been all those misguided salads I have been eating......

I love you,
Yo Mama

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Dear Christopher, Exercise is fun!

Yo Mama is so fat and so I need to exercise. I love to exercise! yeah right. I think I finally have somewhat of a routine set up for myself. I am going to post it here so you (especially you Christopher) can keep check on me and make sure that I am following the straight and narrow path to a thinner and healthier me.....I hope.   
 I WILL!

I know I need to continue walking. For me, at this time, walking is my cardio. I think that is about as cardio as I am going to get for now. I am currently still walking at 2.5 mph for 30 minutes. I am going to try to push it up to 2.7 miles this week. My daily goal is to also walk for a minimum of 35 minutes and will be easy on myself and break it up into 2 walks per day if need be. In the past, if I set a minute goal for myself and then didn't have time to do it, I would just not do any of it. Then quit doing it at all. No more of that stuff. 35 minutes or bust!!!! I am giving myself a break from this on Sundays unless I just can't stay away from my treadmill for a day. Fat chance.

I've got my IPOD loaded with some good music to walk to: Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Brittany, Michael Jackson, Mike Posner, Jason Mraz and more. OK, I realize not the typical 51 y/o's taste in music but hey, they are fun to walk (and dance) to.

 And Jen thinks I can't do the Macarena on the treadmill.....

I've also started some simple quadricep and hamstring contraction and lift  exercises to help strengthen my knees. I am going to continue these daily for the next week or 2.  until I feel I can do some more lifting or lunges where my knees are involved. (Doing these because I noticed that I am having trouble going up and down steps lately). Also, pelvic lifts and bicep and tricep curls with 3 lbs weights Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.

I have a simple beginner yoga routine on my IPOD that I downloaded and plan on doing Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

So that is the plan. Will add to it as I think I am ready. I am so excited and will love every minute of it (yeah right).

It is day 9 soda free! Will continue to post what I am eating on occassion but I have pretty much continued to follow these rules.
1. No sugar
2. No white flour
3. Increase whole grains for my meals
4. Increase intake of fruits and vegetables
5. Replace animal proteins with plant proteins, such as beans and soy, when I can
7. Avoid all preprepared foods.

I admit to infrequently breaking the rules but I try to shake it off and move on.

Favorite food of the day: Green tomato dredged in soy flour and fried in canola oil- Yum

Tomorrow: Why are those salads a "bowl of fat and loneliness anyway?"  What the heck is Christopher talking about?

Love,
Yo Mama

Friday, August 20, 2010

Dear Stephanie and Christopher, No wonder I'm fat. I live in York County PA.

Yo Mama is so fat and now I know why. I live in York County PA. I have proof that this is the reason. The local newspaper just had an article on obesity and said that York County is one of the fattest counties in the country. So there you have it. Proof. The paper is running a whole series of articles on obesity; how much it costs us, how we get to be fat, why we get fat, how to get healthy, etc. The article is pretty scary and mentions that sitting around and eating is more deadly for us than most other risky behaviors. I am glad that I started changing my lifestyle before I read this article or I would really be in a panic! And to think of all the fun I might have had.
The same day that the newspaper started this series of article on obesity, they had another large article/articles (only a couple of pages away) on Lancaster County's plethera of smorgasbords. The article had a listing of where to go, items on the menus, restaurant specialties, and cost. It even listed the definition of a smorgasbord - my definition is lots of food. All that Amish food....and only a few miles away.........
Ok, so now I am so confused. I want to be healthy and lose weight. But I REALLY want to go eat at one of those smorgasbords. I even know which one I want to go to first after reading that article. If I wasn't changing my eating habits, I probably would have them listed, in my mind, by order of first to try to last. I would know which ones I have been to and which ones I haven't, which ones were really good and which ones I should maybe give a second try.
The truth is, I was fat way before I moved to York County 10 years ago.  I've been fat a long time.  The fact is that we run into these contradictions between wanting to be healthy and having an abundance of food placed in front of our eyes everywhere we go. I need to be the one to be able to look the other way. So I can't blame it on York County for being fat. I can, however, feel like I fit right in:) At least for now.

So here is the news: I went back to work today and got on the scales. Decided not to measure for a few more weeks. Today is day 7 soda free!

Current weight is 224.0 - down 11/2 lbs since last week.

For Christopher:

Breakfast
1 slice whole grain bread with tbls of peanut butter
1 clementine

Lunch
My own recipe mixture of bulger, black eyed peas, zuchinni, green onion, fresh tomato, fresh oregano and basil

Dinner
More of mixture from above (Can't be much healthier than that)
Ham spread and american cheese sandwich on 2 slice whole grain bread

Snack
Broccoli and carrots with tbls of hummus
4 cheddar cubes
About a cup of hummus chips
About 10 small pretzel twists

Coming up. Increasing my walking and exercise.

Love you guys,
Yo Mama

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Dear Stephanie and Christopher, So why did I eat that fried chicken anyway?

Yo Mama is so fat and old habits are hard to change. You know how tired I was when I came home last night after jury duty? (whew! I got picked so the word must not have gotten around York county about my trash can episode.  At least not yet). ** See "To my Adorable Grandson.....". The plan was for us to go out or have my husband pick something up. He decided on fried chicken and I was all for it. As long as I did not have to cook. So, he brings home enough chicken to feed a small army. Twenty piece box!
I didn't just eat it last night! I at it tonight too :(

Ok Christopher, I know you are watching so here it is for the day.
I think this is day 5 soda free!

Breakfast:
2 slices whole wheat bread with turkey, light mayo and american cheese.

Lunch: Was complements of the county while serving on jury duty so I didn't have much choice.
1/2 Subway turkey sub on whole wheat, with turkey, american cheese,lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion.
Baked lays
Chocolate chip cookie (damn I ate that too!)

Dinner:
1 fried chicken wing
1 fried chicken breast with most of the skin removed
coleslaw

Snack:
Avacodo with lime and salsa

I think to keep me from making bad decisions for dinner, the best thing to do is plan the night before so I will let you know how it goes.

Exercise: I have been walking quite a bit around downtown while going to and from my parking garages, and to and from lunch. More exercise than I usually get and now up to 30 minutes on the treadmill at 2.5 mph. Thank you Beyonce for Single ladies, Put a ring on it (my treadmill dance of the night). I love to dance.
Why don't fat people dance more? Because we feel self concious. I can remember asking my parents to take dance classes when I was a kid. They told me that I could take classes if I lost some weight. How much sense did that make? This kind of thinking still goes on today for both kids and adults. So Christopher, why not a ballet class for fat people? If you taught it, we would come. Maybe. We want those long, maybe not so lean bodies too! Who knows what might happen.

BTW - Weigh in probably won't be until next week when I get back to the office. I want to stay with the same scales and that is where I weighed myself last week.

Monday, August 16, 2010

To my adorable grandson who lost his two front teeth,

You lost 2 teeth in the last 2 days and make Pop Pop, your Mommy, and me laugh every time you smile at us. We have been waiting for those teeth to come out for a long time, haven't we?

Yo Grand-Mama is so fat but I love you so much. That is why I am am writing this blog. I want to be here to see you grow up and be the young man I know you will be. You are very special.
 
Do you remember trying to share those starbursts with me and grandma told you that I was on a diet? I am still working on my diet and I think I am doing pretty good. Tell Uncle Christopher that Grandma has not had any soda for 3 days now. Grandma's has been drinking soda as her main beverage ever since she was a little girl. That is a really bad habit. It is hard to not drink any after all this time but it is not healthy for me. I think not drinking soda might help me with my diet.

Just so Uncle Christopher can keep tabs on me, here is what I ate today.
 
Breakfast
Low fat ham sandwich with American cheese and mustard on whole wheat bread
 
Lunch
Small cup tomato bisque soup
Veggie wrap with small amount of cheddar cheese (I know, where is the protein)
 
Dinner
Cup of Dreamfields Pasta
Spaghetti sauce with low fat turkey (leftover from last night)
2 cups of green beans
1 cup of red skin potatoes
2 ears corn on the cob
Tbs of butter
(This is not a normal dinner for me but I'm trying to eat some of the wonderful vegetables that are out there right now.  I know it is carb heavy and need to adjust for tomorrow. Did not eat ham that was in the ham, beans and potatoes)
 
Snack
1 avocado mixed with 1/4 cup salsa
 
Grandma was in jury today. Remember us talking about what jury duty is? Remember we talked about how people have to go to court to listen to the people talk about a crime that someone may have done? Grandma explained that the jurors have to be the ones to decide whether the person did the crime or not. So that is what Grandma has to do. Problem is, Grandma sat in a big room with lots of other people all day and didn't get called. All day. Grandma was reading a book, The China Study, and playing on her ipod. And waiting....... and waiting.......and waiting.
 Grandma is starting to wonder if the stories about me are getting around and they know the truth. Maybe they are having second thoughts about calling me for jury duty after all. This is my third time I have been called. The other 2 times I served on a jury but maybe by now they know. God knows that your Uncle Christopher and your Mommy have told enough people. And yes, it is true. Grandma has tried to order fast food out of the trash can. You are too little to remember but a long time ago, they came out with these new fangled trash cans. You know the ones that go straight up and then curve over at the top and the opening is in the front. That is the kind I am talking about. Trash cans didn't use to look  like that. They were just big round cans with a big opening on top. Then they had to come out with those new fangled things and anyone would have made the same mistake as me. Uncle Christopher has never let me forget it and LOVES to tell this story. One of many. To everybody! Now of course his version is different than mine but this is how I remember it. Uncle Christopher and I went to Burger King to order dinner. I pulled up to the speaker and ordered. No answer. I am waiting. No answer. From behind me I can hear Christopher saying, "Mom.......Mom........MOM!". Mom, that is a trash can!
 
Oh.
 
Ok. So now the word must be getting around. I hope not. Maybe I am just worrying too much and they will use me tomorrow. We will see. If not I will know that they know.
 
Grandma should have done better with exercise today. I went for a walk after I had my lunch but then fell asleep after dinner. Some little guy kept me up late last night with a tooth that came out and then woke me up in the middle of the night to get me to come sleep with him. Shhhhh. Don't tell Mommy.
 
I love you!
XOXO
Yo Grandma

Sunday, August 15, 2010

To my blog readers and my family,

It is Sunday morning and I was not going to post at all today but something is on my mind.  If anyone has started reading my blog from my first posting, they know how the name and my blog "Yo Mama is so fat" came to exist. It came about as me joking with my son about myself and my weight. My weight is something I have dealt with all my life. I haven't quite gotten my mind around why yet, but I am finding it to be very freeing to just come out and say I am fat and start dealing with it. I hope it stays that way for me and we will see. I am not sure how I came to this point to be able to do it. Maybe I will find out through this journey. I would like to talk about one thing today, however, because I am aware that the term or slang "Yo Mama" usually starts out with a derogatory remark.

I am talking about bullying. I was bullied as a child because of my weight. I was overweight by the time I was 8 years old. I had been skin and bones prior to that. I don't know how or why I started gaining weight but I did. I can tell you that my family moved to a very rural area from the suburbs of a large city just prior to me gaining my weight. I went from having many friends to play and run around with to having no one. I gained.

 By the time I was in third grade, I was overweight and the bullying had started. The worst was in middle school. There were many days that I went home and cried or dreaded getting up and going to school the next day. This was back in 1965 so bullying is not a new phenomena as anyone who has been through it can attest.

 Bullying can happen at any school, at anywhere. It does not just happen in inner city schools. Children are bullied for many reasons. It can be because of their weight, because of their skin color, because of their sexual orientation, their level of intelligence, because they smell bad, because of how they dress, or their religion. It can be for a host of other things. My own children have been bullied for different reasons. It is heartbreaking, as any parent would know who has had it happen to their children.

The type of work I do puts me in contact with many families who have adopted out of the foster care system. I hear, at least on a weekly basis, about children who were bullied at school for one reason or another.

It still happens. Back in 1965, I was probably one of few children who were overweight. I thought that possibly with the increase of childhood obesity that we are dealing with in this country that maybe an overweight child is more accepted by the others. I don't think so. I have heard from a friend about her child being teased.

I have to wonder what I might have gone through had there been email, kids having cell phones, and social networking sites. I wonder what kids are going through today.

The reason I am writing this post this morning is I am asking something of everyone today. Please, talk to your son, daughter, niece, nephew or grandchildren about bullying. I know that they are talking about it in the schools because my employer works with the anti bullying programs in the school system. Kids learning about this in school is not enough. They also need to hear it from their parents and mentors. My daughter and I have both talked to my grandson about it and will continue to talk to him. I know that there will be a child out there who would thank you if they could.

Love to all,
"Yo Mama"

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Dear Stephanie and Christopher,

Yo Mama is so fat and so I started exercising today. Walked 20 min. on the treadmill at 2.5 mph.
I know, Christopher, you are saying "walking isn't exercise" and maybe it isn't for you because you walk everywhere. But if you were like me and walked for 20 minutes at the pace I did and came out sweating, out of breath, and craving a big glass of water you would know that walking IS exercise. Yes, I will add some more stuff next week. And anyway, those few extra minutes of trying to do the Macarena (it's on my IPOD) while I was on the treadmill must count for something.
So, I have had several interesting conversations with the two of you over the past couple of days. I just realized that you both thought your Yo Mama is not so smart. Both of you have told me that you can't believe I can write so well.
I don't understand. I really don't.
I wrote both of you plenty of notes over the years. Tons of them as a matter of fact. I thought for sure that you would have caught a glimpse of a budding writer in all of them. You know the ones I am talking about.

Stephanie please run the vacuum when you wake up. Love mom.

Christopher, I am at work and should be home by 4:00. Please do the following today BEFORE I get home.
1. Wipe off the glass tables in the living room.
2. Pick up your room.
3. Put your dishes in the dishwasher
Love, Mom

Stephanie, Please empty the dishwasher before I get home.
Love Mom
PS. Don't let anyone in the house when I am not there!

Christopher,
You need to clean your room today! you need to have it clean before you go to your Dad's this weekend.
Love, Mom

Stephanie, I will pay you $5.00 if you will clean your brother's room before you leave for your Dad's this afternoon.
Love Mom

I just don't understand why you guys didn't see my writing abilities all those years ago.

  So Stephanie you are  telling me that your friends are telling you, "You didn't tell me your Mom is funny". You said that you told them that I'm not. They argued with you  that I AM funny and you told them "Well if she is, she JUST got that way yesterday!".  I just don't get it. I tried to tell you that I have always been funny but you just said "No Mom, you really aren't".
 OK. If that is what you think. Fine. Just PLEASE stop telling people that you think an alien has taken over your mother.
That happened way before yesterday.

So if anyone wants to see what I am eating:

Breakfast
2 slices whole grain bread with sugar free PB and jelly

Lunch (difficult because we ate out)
cup of vegetarian vegetable soup
grilled chicken with grilled onion and peppers (came covered with provolone which I scraped all but a spoon full off)
Greek green beans with tomatoes

Dinner
palm size of sirloin
11/2 corn on cob with about a tbsp. of butter
yellow zucchini sauteed in tsp of olive oil with onions
green beans

Snack later will be a fresh peach and cup of hot green tea.

I did have popcorn at the movies - Does the butter count if I told my husband to save me a spot with no butter on it and he didn't listen to me?

Day 1 soda free (even at the movies and this is unprecedented)

Coming up: Adding to my exercise and Do they really want someone on jury duty who orders fast food from trash cans?

Love you both,
Yo Mama

Friday, August 13, 2010

Dear Christopher,

Yo Mama is so fat and so I decided to have a nice salad for lunch. I am picking up food for everyone in the office so I get to pick where we will get lunch today.
 Hmmm. I have several ideas. I start bargaining with myself. All of us who like food and try to watch our weight do this right?
 There is our favorite little Italian place down the road that has my favorite antipasto salad with olives, pepperocini, peppers, and tomatoes. Isaacs has a nice Mediteranean salad with some romaine lettuce. A Subway salad would have the least calories. I pick the Italian place. I bargain some more. I could get a grilled chicken salad that would be healthy OR I could get my favorite Italian antipasto salad and ask them to put grilled chicken on it instead of the usual salami. I choose my normal antipasto salad and decide that it would be less calories if I just pick off some of my salami and cheese.
I take my salad back to the office.
I do as I promised myself and take some salami and cheese off. I only pour about 2 tbs. of that yummy homemade olive oil dressing on my salad and throw the rest away. I am eating my salad and feeling pretty good about it. I even gave away that delicious little garlic bread wedge they gave me. I am happy. Yum.

Then the phone rang. It is you. "How is your diet going?" you ask.
"It is going good. I am eating salad for my lunch".
"What kind of salad are you eating?you ask.
"Antipasto salad".
"What kind of lettuce is on your salad?"

Oh, oh.
Should I tell the truth? Should I pretend my phone just went dead?
I give in. "Iceburg lettuce".

Silence

I knew it was going to be bad, but I wasn't expecting this...

"Mom you are eating nothing but a bowl of fat and loneliness".  (What????)
"That is what a salad is, nothing but a bowl of fat and loneliness".
"Iceberg lettuce has no nutritional value whatsoever".

I look at my salad. Somehow it just doesn't look the same.

"So what am I supposed to eat?"

You tell me, "You eat good protein with every meal, some good carbs, and vegetables". (isn't that what I just had minus the carbs?)
 "Ok, I know that." I am not arguing. I will follow your advice.

 So that is what I am eating. Lean protein, whole grain, vegetables and fruit. No sugar, no white bread or pasta, no sauces unless it is a fresh tomato sauce (I can't live without that).

And Christopher, this is for you. Stand up and take note. I am as of right now, this moment, NO LONGER DRINKING diet soda. I promise. IF anyone sees me doing it, they have my permission to call my son. His number is somewhere in my office. He has been bugging me for years to stop, even before they came out saying that diet soda can cause you to gain weight. No more McDonald's stops in the morning for me.

Speaking of McDonald's, I think I mentioned my car and an egg mcmuffin.

You know those days when you go to work, and you feel really good? This was one of those days. I had recently lost a little weight and was fitting into something I hadn't fit into for awhile. I felt good. I was watching what I was eating. I think I had been exercising. I was really working on trying to be healthier. It was a beautiful day. I had the music blaring. I had just stopped by McDonald's to pick up my morning diet soda and allowed myself to have an egg  mcmuffin. It is just an English muffin, Canadian bacon, 1 piece of cheese, and an egg. I think it is only about 300 hundred calories, right? I think I am safe eating that. I take a bite. Oh, oh. Something seems different than usual. Is there butter on this mcmuffin? I have to look. I glance down for just one second. I look back up and there it is. The rear of someone's car coming up on me much quicker than it should be. My husband is going to kill me.

 There goes my diet. Again.

Tomorrow: Starting an exercise routine and My kids think I am an alien.

I love you Christopher!

Yo Mama

Thursday, August 12, 2010

To my daughter Stephanie

Yo Mama is so fat. It's true.
 I don't like to stick to things.  How many times have I tried diets, cross stitch, "attempting to crochet", etc.? You aren't like that though. You are more like your Grandma Butler was. You are like the energizer bunny. There are afghans, cross stitches, and quilts all over several states and counties. You stick to things. I don't. I wish I could be like you, but I'm not.
Hence this blog. I'm hoping for it to keep me accountable. I want to finish something so that you know I can. Maybe it will be here for you to share with Cody. Hopefully, it will keep me here long enough so that I can share it with him.

So sadly here are the numbers, as promised.

Weight: 225.50 lbs.
Bust: 49 inches (and no, most of that is not "bust")
Waist:
Wait. Let's talk waist. Where exactly is that anyway? Does anyone know? Is it different on different people? I went to a weight loss place once where they measured your waist at your belly button. (my coworkers and family are now saying "oh no, she's talking about belly buttons."). So where is the belly button SUPPOSED to be? I told that weight loss place that MY belly button is not at where I think my waist is and that it is several inches below that.
 Now, while in NYC this past weekend, my kids and I had this conversation and started comparing. And yes, we are a strange family. My incredibly physically fit ballet dancing son has a belly button that is according to Steph (and I witnessed it with my own eyes), almost right below his rib cage and about 8 (Steph says 10) inches above his pants line. How is this possible? Is this how the human anatomy is supposed to be? Steph's was about 2 inches above her pants line. Is that where it is supposed to be? If anyone knows, please let me know.
Mine, however, is somewhere in the middle of "that fat roll". You know.  The bottom one. The one some of you who have an extreme weight problem, like me,  might know about.  The one we don't like to talk about. I like to pretend it doesn't exist but I don't think my belly button is supposed to be there either. If I get in better shape, does it move up? I don't know. Does anybody know? Anyway, that definately is NOT where my waist is. My waist is the smallest part of my trunk. Right now, kind of hard to find but it is where my pants sit. Anyway,
Waist:441/2 inches
Hip?: 50
Upper arm: 15
Upper thigh: 271/2
There it is. It's out there now. Can't take it back. Should I go to work tomorrow? Thank God for jury duty next week.
Coming tomorrow: What should I eat? and, Did I really wreck my car because of an egg mcmuffin?

I love you Stephanie,
Yo mama

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

To my Dear Christopher

Yo Mama is so fat. Sounds terrible but it is true. So to let everyone else know how this blog came to be, I will explain. The previous weekend was spent with my daughter, son, and grandson in NYC. It was very hot and we did alot of walking. By the end of the first day, I could barely walk the last few steps to my sons' apartment. The next day, we went to a Broadway show and could only get tickets up in the balcony. We had to walk up several long flights of stairs and by the second flight, I was stopped, huffing and puffing, while I watched a woman probably at least 10 years older than I am sail up the stairs past me. My children had to stop and wait for me with worried looks on their faces.
Later that night, I sat in one of my sons' chairs and it probably took me about 5 minutes get myself back out of it. The kids and I laughed hysterically. One of their favorite activities is to make fun of their mom and we had a good time with it but...
My son,my dear dear Christopher, who has worked very hard to be physically fit all of his life called me last night and pretty much read me the riot act. He told me that he was worried that he might get a call from my husband at any time saying that I had a heart attack. We don't have alot of extended family and he reminded me that I am the stable figure for both him and his sister. Most of all, he let me know that I needed to be there for my little grandson (my only one so far) and who my husband I love with all of our hearts.
This has not been the first conversation I have had like this with Christopher, there have been many. I am going to be 51 y/o this year. I have been overweight most of my life, including when I was a child. I have had high blood pressure since I was 27 y/o. I have had high cholesteral. You would think all of these would bother me and they do, I have read many diet and nutrition books. Have hired a personal trainer, been on diets. I just have not been able to stick to any of it.
Last night, I was teasing Christopher via text message. I let him know I saw the NYC pictures and texted him that "yo mama is so fat" and maybe I should start a blog. He texted me back that I was ridiculous. I texted back that I was doing it. I can be pretty hard headed.
So. Here it is folks.  I am going public. I am telling everyone I know. My goal is to lose weight, be healthier, be around for my husband, children and stepchildren, grandchildren now and in the future, and feel better and stronger. If I can help just one other person by writing this blog, then it will be worth it. I think anyone who follows this blog will realize that I don't take myself too seriously (a good trait but maybe part of my problem).  Just laugh with me and not at me. Tomorrow- weigh in and measurements and, yes, I am posting them.
Thank you Christopher. I love you.